United sucks balls

I've never particularly enjoyed flying any airline except Virgin America. Mostly the experience ranges from below average to completely fucking intolerable, and 9 times out of 10 I'll arrive at my destination haggared, pissed, and totally spent. But that can be due to a number of factors, and it's not always because the airline itself supports a policy of total assholery.

United, it seems, DOES espouse this corporate ethos, as evidenced by this story, first reported by the Chicago Tribune.

The gist of the story is that a bunch of United baggage monkeys were seen throwing guitars around on the runway like retards in the tanbark. Among those was a $3,500 Taylor belonging to Dave Carroll. Oddly enough, upon arrival his guitar was broken. United told him to take a flying leap, and he pledged to write 3 songs about his shitty experience, and make them available to anyone in the world.

He followed through.

Video below - hope United crashes and burns on this one. Pun intended.

Perfect. Snoop Dogg's Lakers Low Rider.

Better than the Batmobile. This ride speaks for itself. Well actually Snoop speaks for his ride. And it's fucking perfect. Enjoy.

Machine

In honor of Laker win last night, we watch Machine.

Worst strippers ever (but great ad)

Axe has been impressing the shit out of me recently. They take risks in their ads, and they're not afraid to say screw it, dudes in their 20s will dig this and those are our people.

Exhibit A:



This is one of my personal favorites - and below is the uncut longer version. For some reason this speaks to me...



And then there's this. I found it on Amy Paffrath's blog, and I've watched it ten times in the last half hour. Any ad that can recommend that you "finger. rub. spread." is pretty strong. The part that kills me every time is the dude at the very end of the ad in the background complaining "worst strippers ever." For some reason this absolutely wrecks me.



Finally, cuz I'm awesome like that, check out this ad for a wolf shirt posted on Amazon. I first came across this a long time ago, and @playrawkstar sent it back around again this afternoon. Worth it for the first comment alone, and just keeps getting better. You're fucking welcome.

Mow The Lawn

So I've been a little preoccupied with work, family, travel and borderline alcoholism these past 6-8 weeks, and the blog has taken a bit of a back seat in terms of priorities. Rock of Love Bus has remained top of mind though, and last night during each commercial break was a commercial for a different feminine hygiene product. I had to check the cable guide twice to make sure I wasn't watching the Lifetime channel by mistake. The logical connection is obviously that most of the ladies on the Love Bus fall into one of two categories: the low-rent whores who have probably infected the bus with crabs, or the professional "dancers" who if swayed to a new brand probably buy enough product to directly affect the revenue line.

Anyway, the bottom line is that commercials about bush trimming are funny. It's great to watch the ad men work hard to be creative about a subject they can't directly reference.

Favorite part is that the longer clip starts with a woman petting a cat that sits on her lap. Nice work agency!!

And shout out to Groovemonkey for reminding me that this is blog-worthy. Check out the Monkey's blog over at www.groovemonkey.com...

Steel Panther Rocks

"Whether they were jamming to sold out shows, or jizzing on passed out groupies...Steel Panther had only one way to go, and that was up."

I'll give you one chance to guess where I'll be on Thursday, March 19th at La Zona Rosa in Austin, TX: the Steel Panther show, that's effing where.

Is it blasphemous to compare a mocumentary to Spinal Tap after only watching for 2 minutes and 56 seconds? Probably, so I won't do it yet. But in asking that question, I actually just did.

Steel Panther.

Michael Phelps should get a pass. Really.

So Michael Phelps wins 12 gold medals for his country, at an immeasurable personal cost over several years in the prime of his life. Then he takes a little time out, hits the bong in London, gets sold out by some asshole who sends his picture to the tabloids, and gets crucified by the media.

Fair? Hardly. And if this didn't sum it up, check out the above by Seth Myers. Genius. And c'mon guys - if anyone gets a hall pass to let loose and smoke a little weed, I think it's Michael Phelps. Really.

GnR meets Nintendo. Get some.

Two things I love: Guns N' Roses and Nintendo. I've combined them in past by playing Wii while listening to the GnR catalog, but here's another mash-up I'm digging.

Does this make you feel like you're between innings in Baseball Stars? Enjoy.

I can support this kind of environmentalism

If only all environmentalists could somehow wrap drinks into their thinking, maybe they wouldn't come off as obnoxiously self-righteous. Good for you, Sierra Nevada. You're on the list for a key to my Sparks fallout shelter.

I'd like to see PETA integrate flavored vodka into its protests, and maybe I'll pay more attention to critical mass if they start wearing beer helmets while they create chaos.

Thanks to Piers and the gang at PSFK for surfacing this stroke of genius.

You killed Sparks! You bastard!

Sparks is pretty awesome. What other malt liquor drink will get you bouncing off walls AND leave you with an orange tongue for up to 36 hours?? What better way to kick-start your pre-game than to throw back a Sparks or two while playing RockBand?? The jolt you get after a couple sips speeds the guitar fingers exponentially by the way.

I've been known to dabble.


Sparks has been a part of the pre-game ritual for as long as it's been on the market. But now, thanks to this guy, that's all going away.

I first found out about this travishamockery from Pej, and the Gruckers and I have been buying it off the shelves like we're preparing for the apocalypse. Which, in many ways, we are.

No need to elaborate when I can share this link; my favorite quote from his story is below. Sums it up nicely:

"Look, I know this isn't exactly the Israeli-Palestinian conflict in terms of important issues, but this is your government, and it's being bullied by some nerd with wire rimmed glasses and a Just for Men dadstache who hates to party. Petty as it sounds, this is one small issue that stands for a lot of bigger issues. You've gotta fight for your Right to Party."

Just for Men dadstache. Giggle.

Also, Sparks chicks are hot. Here's hoping they're not made to disappear with the rest of our fun.

Give the gift of...sheep.

I saw this commercial approximately 800 times during this past holiday season, and it made me laugh harder each time. The buildup to the gift this woman is about to receive reminds me of the Lexus commercials where she goes outside and there's a car outside wrapped in a bow.

Well, this ad has all the same type of buildup to the great gift, only when dude swings open the barn door, the big reveal finds a sheep standing there all nicely wrapped up in a bow. A SHEEP! A fucking sheep.

I thought this was a SNL skit on first viewing, or expected some the dude to walk up to the sheep, slice open his neck and pull out 8 blood diamonds that would eventually become the world's most expensive tennis bracelet. Nope.

And the best part is the woman's reaction - "How did you know?! It's perfect." First of all...what??? Second of all, I bet he knew because you live on a fucking farm and since the economy's in the tank all you talk about is needing more sheep. But those are some well-dressed farmers, and I can't imagine they're hard up for extra sheep...

A couple more questions while we're here:
- how long has that thing been in there tied up in a bow?
- how does one discreetly keep a sheep hidden in a bow for an extended period of time?
- do the kids assume Santa just carries all manner of livestock in his sleigh?
- what now? do they just carve his ass up and serve him for Christmas dinner? do they take him inside?

OK... that's all I got.